We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
no you cant smoke seaweed
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
