she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
The air taste purple.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
