just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Semen is not good for contacts.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
