guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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