there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Randomize
