don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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