Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
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