she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
