Banned from zoo.
Again?
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
