Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize