I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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