So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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