the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
babies were throwing up all over the place
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
