I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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