I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Randomize
