if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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