he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
