Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
