I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
