..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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