im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
There r osticjed everywhere
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Help. Why am I so naked?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
