guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
The feeling are messing with the penis
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
