3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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