Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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