I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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