we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
