i think i have herpe
just one?
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
