we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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