I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
