Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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