Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize
