Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
