The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
