allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
