Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
