I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
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I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
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We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
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