trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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