I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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