1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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