The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
