I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
