He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
