You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
