just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
