My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
We left an ass print on the piano.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
