Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
