Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
