Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
