all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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