why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
