I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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