Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i think i have herpe
just one?
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
