I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
we made out on top of his cat.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
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