help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
