I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
