Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize