i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
