Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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