please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
